that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
