Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
