That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
