is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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