I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
