I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
