So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
