she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
