I wish I could punch you in the face.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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