I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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