got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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