so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
