Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
