I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
