I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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