I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
this is an emotional support booty call
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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