Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
