youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
