I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
