i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
