the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
