Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
