she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
