Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
