I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
