I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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