dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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