I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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