After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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