Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
