I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
