Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
