They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
