I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
