I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
