I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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