I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
