Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
