I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
