She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
