im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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