Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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