HIV tests are more positive than that guy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
