dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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