I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
