I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
