She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
