Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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