call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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