Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
