I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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