Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
